What a title. Why did I type that? Is it because I've finally reached the point where my birthday feels less important than the accumulation of things I've spent that year doing? Yes. Am I here to brag about those things? No. Welcome to my Annual Birthday Panic AttackTM in blog post form. My birthday has just passed with what I would call a small hurrah, which for some reason is the way I want it to be. This is the first year in a long time where my birthday hasn’t felt like a huge moment that I need to make a weekend out of and I don’t know if that’s a sign of my maturity or a sign that I’ve absorbed myself too much into my work. This week’s blog post won’t be as relatable or based around lifestyle, so I have to apologize for that. This week is about personal growth and the process goal setting. In the grand scheme of things, I am a child. I sit in a board meeting and the people around me see me as the young social media savant that had never experienced 8-track and has only ever held a small floppy disk. And though I know what a VHS is, I still find myself having to work harder to not be pointed at the chair with the booster seat.
I’ve drank the elusive “drink me” and have made the world around me shrink. Instead of feeling so insignificant, I’m starting to feel too big and very aware of the things I destroy with my oversized adult feet. Change: intransitive verb 1: to become different 2: to undergo transformation, transition, or substitution I can make a change now, we all can and I feel like there's enough time to think about the change you want to see and never enough time to make the change tangible. I want to hold the change in my hand, I want to open the world for new voices and I want to be the person that I wanted to be growing up. Even if I always imagined that person to be a nurse. Goals: the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result. So this year instead of setting personal goals, I’m setting personal change and community change to my roster of to-dos. I’m going to use my power and my privilege to touch the lives of people around me and thank them for every ounce of support and creativity they produce to our world. If I had a million dollars, I want the world around me to be rich and the soil to produce the next years harvest without fear of draught. It’s strange that I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much because this year has probably been the biggest yet. This year I got into the job market, maintained three jobs while going to school full time, made Dean’s list, got to film in the premieres office, got to celebrate my mothers 60th birthday, got three tattoos, grew my hair out to my natural colour, learned how to use liquid eyeliner, got a new vehicle, gained lasting friendships, a longterm boyfriend, professional relationships, understood my gender identity, participated in the world! BIG BREATH. I’m also graduating this year. I have a fear that this feels minimal to me, when will a year feel substantial enough. My plans for the next month, as the year ends is to set goals for myself and for change, plan the trips I will go on in the next year, finish some writing submissions and make meetings with industry leaders to better myself and, cliche enough, create a mood board. I don't want to create a list of my goals on this blog because this year they feel very private, and I feel like if I put them in the universe, I'll lose them somehow.
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