Hello everyone! Today is going to be something a little different. After last week's post about my experiences with Anxiety I received so many positive messages and I am beyond loving and appreciative. I also received stories of other people's experiences with anxiety, one of them was frequent guest poster: Haley Ludyk. I found her story incredibly informative and I think it's important for everyone to hear different perspectives. We're loud and proud and we're coping with it! So below, allow me to present Haley's piece called "Anxiety: Taming the Worry Dragons". Hello reader, my name is Haley and I sometimes contribute to this blog. Upon reading Reanna’s post about her anxiety I was inspired to talk about my own. I have had anxiety and ADHD for my whole life, however, I wasn’t formally diagnosed with either one until I was 20 (I’m 22 now for reference). Just getting diagnosed was a struggle; my family actively discouraged me from talking to my doctor and taking medication. I had to almost completely independently venture into getting help. My mom wasn’t all-bad about it though, she just didn’t believe how bad things had gotten for me. She couldn’t understand the way my mind would race, how sometimes I would be laying in the fetal position thinking, “help me, help me, help me,” over and over again. All I wanted was for the thoughts to go away. I had no power against them, it felt like all I could do was wait for something, be it sleep or a distraction, to ease them for a time. I could not cope any longer; I couldn’t live the rest of my life constantly having my mind filled to the brim with fear and worry. This is what brings me to the subtitle of this piece “Taming the Worry Dragons.” When I was 11 and had my first run-in with extreme anxiety. My mom lovingly but ignorantly gave me this book, “Taming the Worry Dragons.” The book was filled with ideas and mantras angled towards children to help them “deal with their anxiety on their own.” Now, this might work for some people, but it certainly didn’t work for me. My worry at just 11 was so extreme that I gave myself ulcers and had terrible stomachaches for nearly two years. I tell this story to illustrate a point, don’t assume because you can cope with your worries and anxieties naturally that other people can. I dealt with my anxiety unhealthily for almost ten years because of the way I was treated when I tried to go to the people close to me for help. I got condescended too, belittled, and ultimately shamed into doing nothing about my very real illness. Flash-forward to today, I now take medication for my anxiety and ADHD, and I finally have a diagnosis (Generalized Anxiety Disorder with severe ADHD and OCD tendencies). I can’t stress enough how validating just getting a diagnosis is. It is so comforting to actually have people believe you and explain that you have an illness that can be treated, instead of suffering alone with your horrible and terrifying thoughts. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had hope, I could be “normal” (-ish). See medication has been crucial for me because of the level to which my mental health was affecting my everyday life. Throughout most of junior high and high school, I had bad and sometimes abusive relationships because of my mental illness. My anxiety can’t ever be fully blamed but its fairly difficult to maintain healthy relationships when your mind is constantly telling you everyone you love hates you and will leave you; and when they do leave you, its just more fuel for your mind to use against you later. I would spiral into these pits of my own making. My chest would feel tight, I would be sweaty, and I would feel sick to my stomach. In the end, I would usually isolate myself from the people I loved most to protect myself from the eventual (maybe) harm they would cause me. My mind was my worst enemy, and the medication is the only thing that has ever been able to quiet it. Now I feel like I can live normally, I can have lasting and worthwhile relationships, and I can cope with my day-to-day anxieties. All in all, the main things I have to say about anxiety are the following:
Thank you for reading, Haley Do you have your own experience with topics like anxiety, mental illness or coming out? I want to hear from you! Send your story to [email protected] and let me know if you'd want to be featured!
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